Is It Time to Reclaim Your Life?
It’s the start of a new year – and a new decade. A time when many of us feel an inner nudge to make changes. It’s certainly a good time to reflect and consider the direction our lives are taking. I believe one of the most important questions to ask ourselves is this: Whose life am I actually living? My own or the one other people want for me? Are you living the life you want, or are you still caught up in trying to meet other people’s expectations? As a therapist, I see …
Dealing with Shame: How to Weaken Its Destructive Hold over You
Have you ever felt shame? I’m sure you have at some point in your life. All of us have. Shame is that awful feeling of being worthless, rejected or cast out. Deeply painful, it brings humiliation and distress in its wake. Its close cousin is guilt. Guilt shows up when you believe you have done something bad; shame shows up when you believe you are bad, so much so, that you are totally unlovable. Shame’s toxicity does not end there though. It also carries with it a sense of helplessness, that there is nothing you can do to purge yourself of its burdensome and soul-crushing presence …
How to Tame Your Inner Critic
Would it surprise you to learn that your worst enemy is probably living inside your own head? I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that judges and demeans a person. We all have an internal voice that talks to us about ourselves. For many people, this internal voice is quite negative. If left untamed, it can turn into a constant negative internal commentary on who they are and how they behave - one that can drag them down mentally and emotionally. Perhaps you can relate to some of these common inner critic statements …
What Should We Tell Our Sons?
If there is one message that any young man who would like to feel happy, healthy and content needs to internalise, it is to let go of other people’s expectations. As parents it is often our expectations of our sons that have the potential to cause them the most harm. Young men are bombarded with “You should…” messages from an early age. These messages are always well-intentioned, and can include expectations on their behaviour, friendships, academic achievement, relationships, career choices and social activities …
Are You Being Bullied Without Even Knowing?
I would like to think that, if I were being bullied, I would recognise it and do something about the situation. Wouldn’t you? Bullying is when one person uses their superior strength or influence to intimidate another person, typically to force them to do something. I’ve been asked to write about this issue by a client who, through our work together, has discovered that the controlling behaviour and shrewdness …
Dealing with Difficult Emotions
We all experience times in life when our emotions get the better of us. A strong, emotional response to any situation can easily leave us feeling overwhelmed, out of control and even frightened. Intense feelings of anger, anxiety, despair, shame, guilt and even disappointment can appear instantly and unexpectedly, and negatively affect our attitude and behaviour in ways that can cause us, and those around us, distress …
Always Feeling Bad about Not Getting Things Done?
If there is one thing that can really damage a person’s sense of self, cause unnecessary stress, and lead to constant feelings of misery and guilt, it is the habit of procrastination. Self-sabotage comes in many shapes and sizes but procrastination is by far the most common. Are you a procrastinator? Are you always putting things off until tomorrow? How does that make you feel? Good about yourself …
Living in the Land of Should
Do you live in the ‘land of should’? Do you find yourself doing what you should be doing and not what you want to be doing all the time? Are you the one always doing the ‘right thing’ by everyone else? So much so that you have lost touch with your innate sense of fun, creativity and spontaneity? Or, maybe on the odd occasion you have tried to do what you like, only to find yourself riddled with feelings of guilt …