How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser
Those of you who are familiar with my work will know that I confess to being a recovered people pleaser. There was a time in my life when I’d bend over backwards to keep everyone else happy. I valued other people’s needs more than my own, tried hard to fit in and would automatically say yes to whatever was asked of me. It wasn’t until the stress I was under became unbearable that I realised something was seriously wrong. There was so much pressure in my life that I was left with no choice but to dig deep and change the way I related not only to others but also myself. It took some work but I turned myself around. How about you? Are you exhausted from being all things to all people? Are you forever trying to please others to the point where you feel like you’re losing yourself?
Reconnect with Your Inner Child and Heal Your Life
Do you ever find yourself wondering why you keep repeating behaviours that aren’t good for you? Or why certain people and situations trigger you emotionally, to the point where you’re not in control of yourself? Or why you have trouble sticking to decisions and achieving the things you want in life? These issues show up a lot in my therapy room and there’s usually one thing that lies at the root of the problem: an unhealed inner child. So, what is the inner child and how does it come to be an issue? The inner child is the part of us that represents the child we used to be; the part that carries the imprint of all our childhood experiences, the good and the bad. If your inner child is healthy and well-nurtured, then you will tend to approach life …
How to Forgive the People Who Have Hurt You
Is there a person in your life you’re harbouring anger and resentment towards? Someone you can’t bring yourself to forgive for what they’ve done to you? When someone has abused us; attacked, cheated, betrayed, rejected, ridiculed or ignored us; treated us unfairly or taken advantage of us, the pain and trauma can run deep and be difficult to come back from. Why, you might ask, when they’ve hurt you should you seek to forgive? There is one good reason, and that is to put an end to your own suffering. Holding onto feelings of anger, bitterness, hatred or resentment towards another not only keeps you bound to that person, emotionally and energetically, it also causes ongoing …
How to Find Freedom from Fear and Live Your Purpose
It’s no secret that people who embody a sense of purpose live longer, happier and more fulfilled lives. Every day I meet people who long to realise this aspiration. People who feel a strong impulse to align their work in the world to who they really are, to live their lives authentically, and to be of service to others. Since you’re reading this, I’m guessing you feel this way too. Deep down, you yearn to follow your heart; to reach for the vision that emanates from the highest aspects of your being. Except that … one thing keeps stopping you in your tracks. FEAR …
Are You Struggling to Find Your Purpose in Life?
2020 was an extraordinary year. Not only did we witness a massive upheaval on the physical plane, affecting everything from our livelihoods to family life, we also saw a huge spiritual awakening occur right across the globe. For many it was a crisis or unforeseen change in circumstances, for others simply the gift of more time that compelled them to go inwards; to connect with the deeper parts of their being and reflect deeply on their lives. Why am I here? What fulfils me? What’s my purpose? These questions inevitably surfaced at some point. Perhaps you can relate to this too …
Are You a Silent Prisoner of Shame?
If I were to name one thing that has the most impact on a person’s happiness and experience of life, it would be their self-worth. Our level of self-worth affects everything – from our health and relationships to our careers and financial abundance. So, let me ask, where do you stand on the spectrum of self-worth? Do you feel good about yourself? Do you love and accept yourself, warts and all? Or are you ‘self-rejecting’, always finding reasons to feel bad about yourself? If it’s the latter, I invite you to read on …
Is Unresolved Sadness Keeping You Stuck
How comfortable are you dealing with feelings of sadness? Do you allow yourself to be present with them, or do you do everything in your power to run away from them and pretend they’re not there, busying yourself with distractions? In my experience, many people do the latter. There appears to be a collective discomfort around owning our sadness, facing it, and allowing it full expression. Perhaps more than any other emotion, it’s one that people tend to deny. This denial is often a form of self-protection …
Find a Creative Pursuit for a Happier, More Balanced Life
The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says that “when we are involved in creativity, we feel that we are living more fully than during the rest of life.” I can certainly vouch for that. The times when I feel the most alive, energised, ‘in the flow’ and relaxed are usually when I’m doing something creative. I love to knit, crochet and sew, and one of my favourite pastimes is making knitted toys and little rag dolls to give away as gifts. These activities really help me to …
How to Cope with Being a Highly Sensitive Person
Do you consider yourself to be a sensitive person? Someone who feels everything deeply. Someone who is naturally attuned to the feelings of others. Someone who needs a lot of time alone to unwind and recharge. As a child, perhaps you were described as ‘timid’, ‘shy’, ‘soft’ or ‘emotional’ by your teachers and caregivers. Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells and crowds can be difficult to tolerate. You startle easily. In chaotic, complex or tense situations you feel …
How to Challenge and Change Your Limiting Beliefs
I believe one of the most powerful things we can do if we want to move forward in life is to examine and release our limiting beliefs. Beliefs such as I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I can’t trust anyone, I’m a failure, I’m unlovable and their variations are the source of great unhappiness and disempowerment. They serve as a hindrance, preventing us from being, doing and having what we want. They keep us feeling stuck and unfulfilled. This is why if you want to create positive change in your life, you must do the inner work to identify your limiting beliefs and change them into positive, life-enhancing ones …
How to Stay Sane during These Unpredictable Times
I hope you are keeping well, safe and, quite frankly, sane. We are living in unprecedented times, and there is a lot of fear, confusion and uncertainty in the air. If you’ve worked with me, you’ll know that I take a holistic approach to problem solving life’s challenges. Here are some practical mental, emotional and spiritual tips to help you stay calm, balanced and empowered through the current coronavirus crisis …
How to Find the Limiting Beliefs You Are Holding
It is said that we are what we believe ourselves to be. Our beliefs are so powerful that they create our reality. They shape our thinking, our feelings, our behaviour, the actions we take or do not take – and as a consequence our experience of life. Holding positive beliefs about ourselves serves us well. They cause us to feel good; they empower us and fuel healthy behaviours. Limiting beliefs, on the other hand, undermine our well-being. They fuel unhealthy emotions and …
How to Stop Caring about What Other People Think of You
How concerned are you about what people think of you? Does it bother you occasionally or a lot of the time? We are all influenced by other people’s opinions to some degree, sometimes without realising it. We might wear an outfit to a social event because we think other people will like it, for example, or refrain from expressing an opinion at work to avoid being thought unintelligent. This is a consequence of our social conditioning and our need to belong – to be accepted and liked …
Is It Time to Reclaim Your Life?
It’s the start of a new year – and a new decade. A time when many of us feel an inner nudge to make changes. It’s certainly a good time to reflect and consider the direction our lives are taking. I believe one of the most important questions to ask ourselves is this: Whose life am I actually living? My own or the one other people want for me? Are you living the life you want, or are you still caught up in trying to meet other people’s expectations? As a therapist, I see …
How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Get What You Want
Have you ever come close to achieving a personal goal or fulfilling a long-held desire, only to somehow mess things up at the last minute? Do you have goals or intentions but find that instead of moving towards them, they drift further away from you? Are you making excuses or keeping busy with distractions rather than pursuing the things you want? If this sounds familiar, you’re engaging in self-sabotage – a problem I come across a lot in my coaching work …
Where’s Your Problem Really Coming From?
Every day in my practice I work with people who are smart, empowered and committed to bettering their lives. They may be facing challenges, but they show up to appointments, and they invest time, money and energy on their personal growth. Usually, they’ve appeared at my door because their situation has come to a head. They’re feeling distressed, confused and unhappy and need some external support to work through their issues. One of the things I bring to the table is …
Natural Ways to Lift Your Mood
Let me ask, do you feel helpless when you’re going through a tough time and feeling down? As if there’s nothing you can do to get yourself out of that state? We’d all like to feel good all of the time, but, inevitably, we go through periods when we feel demotivated and irritable, or worse unhappy and upset. I can recall a time in my younger life when I struggled to manage my emotional state. Feelings of tension and unease were my constant companions …
Are You a People-Pleaser?
I found myself dealing with a very forceful woman the other day who just wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t give her an appointment because I was fully booked up. She refused to hear what I was saying and continued to push at my personal boundaries for several minutes. Feeling the pressure building up inside me, I had to fight with every fibre of my being to not fall back into an old pattern of mine: being a people-pleaser. There was a time in my life when …
How to Be Authentic and Why It’s Important
I don’t know about you, but I’m instinctively drawn to people who are authentic – people who are real, genuine and down-to-earth. There are no airs and graces, no pretences, no fakery. It’s only just dawned on me that whenever I meet someone new, I use this one trait to determine whether I want to pursue a personal or business connection with them. And I don’t think I’m the only one. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I believe many of us seek out people who are authentic. Here’s why …
How to Get over Rejection
I witness a lot of heartache in my therapy work. One of the biggest causes is rejection. The circumstances may be different: for one person it’s being told by their spouse of twenty-five years that he or she wants a divorce, for another it’s not being asked out on a second date; for someone else it’s not getting the job they wanted after an interview, or being slighted by a close friend; rejection comes in many forms. But the feelings that arise from it are always the same: pain, anger, disappointment, self-doubt, sadness and despair. I’m pretty sure you can relate to these feelings …