How to Cope with Being a Highly Sensitive Person
Do you consider yourself to be a sensitive person? Someone who feels everything deeply. Someone who is naturally attuned to the feelings of others. Someone who needs a lot of time alone to unwind and recharge. As a child, perhaps you were described as ‘timid’, ‘shy’, ‘soft’ or ‘emotional’ by your teachers and caregivers. Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells and crowds can be difficult to tolerate. You startle easily. In chaotic, complex or tense situations you feel …
How to Stop Caring about What Other People Think of You
How concerned are you about what people think of you? Does it bother you occasionally or a lot of the time? We are all influenced by other people’s opinions to some degree, sometimes without realising it. We might wear an outfit to a social event because we think other people will like it, for example, or refrain from expressing an opinion at work to avoid being thought unintelligent. This is a consequence of our social conditioning and our need to belong – to be accepted and liked …
Is It Time to Reclaim Your Life?
It’s the start of a new year – and a new decade. A time when many of us feel an inner nudge to make changes. It’s certainly a good time to reflect and consider the direction our lives are taking. I believe one of the most important questions to ask ourselves is this: Whose life am I actually living? My own or the one other people want for me? Are you living the life you want, or are you still caught up in trying to meet other people’s expectations? As a therapist, I see …
Are You a People-Pleaser?
I found myself dealing with a very forceful woman the other day who just wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t give her an appointment because I was fully booked up. She refused to hear what I was saying and continued to push at my personal boundaries for several minutes. Feeling the pressure building up inside me, I had to fight with every fibre of my being to not fall back into an old pattern of mine: being a people-pleaser. There was a time in my life when …
How to Establish and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Would you ever leave your house without securing the doors and windows? Or, leave your car unattended, unlocked, with the windows down?
I’m sure you wouldn’t. No one wants their property ransacked, stolen or tampered with.
I find it interesting that we all invest a considerable amount of time and energy in keeping our belongings safe, yet when it comes to keeping ourselves safe, psychologically and energetically, we pay far less attention ...
How to Handle Difficult People
Christmas is meant to be a time of joy, peace and merriment. I think there’s a part of all of us that buys into that fairytale image of an open log fire, a beautifully decked out tree, piles of presents, cards, food, drink and a smiling, loving family. Yes, that’s right … I said ‘family’. For some people that word is enough to pop the fantasy bubble right away! Most of us get to spend time with family at Christmas. But, for some, that reality is about as far away from joy, peace and merriment as you can get. In fact, it’s often the cause of great anxiety and dread. A couple of people have articulated this sentiment in my …
Are You Being Bullied Without Even Knowing?
I would like to think that, if I were being bullied, I would recognise it and do something about the situation. Wouldn’t you? Bullying is when one person uses their superior strength or influence to intimidate another person, typically to force them to do something. I’ve been asked to write about this issue by a client who, through our work together, has discovered that the controlling behaviour and shrewdness …
Can You Seriously Afford to Not Speak Your Truth?
‘Ek chup, sau sukh’ is a saying from my culture, which if you share my Indian heritage you will definitely have heard many times. Loosely translated it means ‘staying quiet (and, I’ll add, compliant) leads to greater ease in life’. I grew up with this message. I consider it to be one of the gems of wisdom my mother passed onto me; one that has stood me in good stead over the years. There is definitely …
How to Release Suppressed Anger
“Get mad, then get over it.” Colin Powell
If you suspect you may be holding onto anger from the past, try the following exercise. Step 1: Find 30 – 60 minutes of alone time when you will not be disturbed. Step 2: Get yourself some paper, a pen, and a pillow, cushion or, if you have one, a punch bag …
Are You Ready to Explode with Anger?
Were you brought up like me; with the warped belief that anger is somehow inherently ‘bad’? That if you want to be loved and accepted then there could be no place in your life for anger? I picked up this message loud and clear whilst I was growing up. Not only was I totally oblivious to the fact that: a) anger is a natural, healthy, intrinsically positive emotion, and b) that I could learn to process, manage …