How to Release Suppressed Anger

“Get mad, then get over it.” Colin Powell

If you suspect you may be holding onto anger from the past, try the following exercise.

Step 1: Find 30 – 60 minutes of alone time when you will not be disturbed.

Step 2: Get yourself some paper, a pen, and a pillow, cushion, or if you have one, a punch bag.

Step 3: Sit down and think about the situation that made you feel angry. The time you were hurt, violated, betrayed, ignored, cheated, disrespected, left out, judged, unappreciated. The time you were not allowed or did not allow yourself to get any closure on. Write down exactly what happened in as much detail as you can. Really dive into your memory.

Step 4: Write down who did it. Who was involved? What exactly did they do? Again, go into as much detail as you can. When you finish this step take a moment.

Step 5. Now write down every other bad thing that person has ever done. Write down everything that you can recall.

Step 6: Next, unleash your real opinion of this person. Write down what you really think about them. This is not the time to be nice. If you have been brought up to only see, say and think good of people, then, just for 2 minutes, allow yourself to put this conditioning to one side. You can pick this attitude up again in a moment. But, right now, allow yourself the courtesy of acknowledging what you really think of them. The truth. Your truth.

Step 7: Now think about what this person, this event, this situation cost you. What did you lose in the event? What did it prevent you from doing? What did you have to give up? What harm was done to you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, materially. List as many negatives as you can.

Step 8: All the above will have connected you to the anger. Continue to write down everything that comes to mind. Let all your anger out onto the paper in whatever form it chooses to express itself. No one is ever going to see what you are writing down. Don’t self-censor. Do whatever you have to do to get this angry energy out of your being.

Step 9: If you have connected to some deep rage within yourself, then punch the pillow or pound the punch bag. Imagine their face on the pillow. Anger’s first response is to attack. Since most likely you didn’t attack the person you hold grudges against, the energy may still be accumulated inside you. Release all the energy. Attack the pillow/punchbag with all your might.

Step 10: When you feel it has all gone, take some really deep breaths. (You may feel like crying. Let yourself do this; it is another form of releasing energy.) Then, use your breath to calm yourself down. Reassure yourself. Tell yourself:

“You had to do this because this anger was sitting silently inside you causing you harm. You have not hurt anyone by releasing it in this safe, controlled way. This was necessary for self-care.”

If you found some of this difficult because you are a ‘good person’ and ‘you don’t do or say things like this’ then maybe even forgive yourself. Spend as much time on this step as you need. You will notice that you feel lighter and better.

Step 11: On a new sheet of paper, create new agreements with yourself. Now that the anger has gone, take a look again at what happened. How could this part of your life or similar situations be handled differently in the future. What was your responsibility in this whole situation?

Put simply, what lessons can you learn from all this, if any?

Make a promise to yourself that this will never happen to you again. You will not allow it. You will not allow others to do this to you. Set yourself new emotional, physical, and mental boundaries.

Step 12: Close your eyes and visualise yourself living by these new boundaries. Think about the next time this person or this situation comes into your life. See yourself interacting in a strong, empowered, boundaried way. Really step into this more powerful, clearer version of you. How will you behave? What will you say? How will you feel? How will you be?

Step 13: This step is an important part of the process. Keep the page which contains your new agreements with yourself and shred everything else. Burn it, cut it up into little pieces. Symbolically destroy everything, except the new boundaries associated with this exercise.

Step 14: This exercise may be tiring. Give yourself 24/48 hours and then check in with yourself. Notice how you feel. Notice your reactions. Notice the change to your overall sense of well-being.

You may need to repeat this exercise if you have a lot of different situations that you want to purge yourself of. But, you will find that connecting and releasing the anger associated with a few key people/events will actually lift all the anger from these other situations as well.

This exercise will help you return to a place of peace, balance and poise.

If you would like some help with any of the above then check out my Holistic Life Coaching Page Talking things through can help you to identify and understand a situation, help you make sense of your reactions, and help you gain clarity on how to move forward in life.