How to Cope with Being a Highly Sensitive Person
Do you consider yourself to be a sensitive person? Someone who feels everything deeply. Someone who is naturally attuned to the feelings of others. Someone who needs a lot of time alone to unwind and recharge. As a child, perhaps you were described as ‘timid’, ‘shy’, ‘soft’ or ‘emotional’ by your teachers and caregivers. Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells and crowds can be difficult to tolerate. You startle easily. In chaotic, complex or tense situations you feel …
How to Challenge and Change Your Limiting Beliefs
I believe one of the most powerful things we can do if we want to move forward in life is to examine and release our limiting beliefs. Beliefs such as I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I can’t trust anyone, I’m a failure, I’m unlovable and their variations are the source of great unhappiness and disempowerment. They serve as a hindrance, preventing us from being, doing and having what we want. They keep us feeling stuck and unfulfilled. This is why if you want to create positive change in your life, you must do the inner work to identify your limiting beliefs and change them into positive, life-enhancing ones …
How to Stop Caring about What Other People Think of You
How concerned are you about what people think of you? Does it bother you occasionally or a lot of the time? We are all influenced by other people’s opinions to some degree, sometimes without realising it. We might wear an outfit to a social event because we think other people will like it, for example, or refrain from expressing an opinion at work to avoid being thought unintelligent. This is a consequence of our social conditioning and our need to belong – to be accepted and liked …
Are You a People-Pleaser?
I found myself dealing with a very forceful woman the other day who just wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t give her an appointment because I was fully booked up. She refused to hear what I was saying and continued to push at my personal boundaries for several minutes. Feeling the pressure building up inside me, I had to fight with every fibre of my being to not fall back into an old pattern of mine: being a people-pleaser. There was a time in my life when …
How to Be Authentic and Why It’s Important
I don’t know about you, but I’m instinctively drawn to people who are authentic – people who are real, genuine and down-to-earth. There are no airs and graces, no pretences, no fakery. It’s only just dawned on me that whenever I meet someone new, I use this one trait to determine whether I want to pursue a personal or business connection with them. And I don’t think I’m the only one. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I believe many of us seek out people who are authentic. Here’s why …
How to Cultivate Greater Self-Worth
Humour me for a moment and imagine that you have the power to clone yourself so that there are now two identical versions of you out there in the world. Now, let me ask you a question. If you were to meet this other ‘you’ would you be good friends? Would you like ‘you’? I often ask my clients this question and their response gives me an insight into how they see themselves. Their answer tells me a lot about their sense of self-worth and their self-esteem in that moment. Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person”. Self-esteem is defined as …
How to Tame Your Inner Critic
Would it surprise you to learn that your worst enemy is probably living inside your own head? I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that judges and demeans a person. We all have an internal voice that talks to us about ourselves. For many people, this internal voice is quite negative. If left untamed, it can turn into a constant negative internal commentary on who they are and how they behave - one that can drag them down mentally and emotionally. Perhaps you can relate to some of these common inner critic statements …
What Should We Tell Our Sons?
If there is one message that any young man who would like to feel happy, healthy and content needs to internalise, it is to let go of other people’s expectations. As parents it is often our expectations of our sons that have the potential to cause them the most harm. Young men are bombarded with “You should…” messages from an early age. These messages are always well-intentioned, and can include expectations on their behaviour, friendships, academic achievement, relationships, career choices and social activities …
Are You Neglecting the Most Important Person in Your Life?
As human beings we are continually in relationship, all day and every day, for the whole of our lives. Sometimes it is with other living beings: humans and animals. Sometimes it’s with inanimate objects - food, clothes, money - or ideas. There is one relationship, above all others, that is critical to our wellbeing. It is impossible to live a peaceful, healthy, happy life if this relationship is not monitored and managed adequately. The relationship to which I’m referring is the one we have with ourselves. Let me ask you a question. How do you habitually relate to yourself? …
The Habits of Happy People: They Are Socially Selective
They ensure that their tribe is a positive and empowering one. They know that the people they hang around with affect their mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health so they choose them carefully. They use their feelings to identify the negative, manipulative, toxic people and simply cut them out of their life. And, if they can’t, they put up strong boundaries. They know that this is an issue of …
Are You Being Bullied Without Even Knowing?
I would like to think that, if I were being bullied, I would recognise it and do something about the situation. Wouldn’t you? Bullying is when one person uses their superior strength or influence to intimidate another person, typically to force them to do something. I’ve been asked to write about this issue by a client who, through our work together, has discovered that the controlling behaviour and shrewdness …
Habits of Happy People: They Don't Compare Themselves With Others
They know that there is little, if anything, to be gained from this habit. They know that this tendency damages their sense of self, kills joy and breeds feelings of envy, low self-confidence and depression. They know that people present an edited version of themselves to the world so what they are comparing against is not real. They know that there is always someone out there who is bigger, better, and more …
Habits of Happy People: They Don't Hold Grudges
They know that holding intense negative feelings about anyone harms them more than it harms the other person. Scientific studies show that holding a grudge adversely affects the health. It leads to anxiety, depression, an increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure. Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for happiness, health and peace …
Feel-Good Factor: Dance!
Did you know that dancing is one of the most fun and effective ways to get a complete mind and body workout? Studies show that dancing can instantly lift your mood, help reduce stress, increase energy levels, improve flexibility, increase muscle tone and strength, increase bone density, reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and aid weight loss. It also boosts self-confidence and self esteem …
Always Feeling Bad about Not Getting Things Done?
If there is one thing that can really damage a person’s sense of self, cause unnecessary stress, and lead to constant feelings of misery and guilt, it is the habit of procrastination. Self-sabotage comes in many shapes and sizes but procrastination is by far the most common. Are you a procrastinator? Are you always putting things off until tomorrow? How does that make you feel? Good about yourself …
Can You Seriously Afford to Not Speak Your Truth?
‘Ek chup, sau sukh’ is a saying from my culture, which if you share my Indian heritage you will definitely have heard many times. Loosely translated it means ‘staying quiet (and, I’ll add, compliant) leads to greater ease in life’. I grew up with this message. I consider it to be one of the gems of wisdom my mother passed onto me; one that has stood me in good stead over the years. There is definitely …
What Does Speaking Your Truth Actually Mean?
The inability to speak one’s truth is a common cause of deep unhappiness. Not being able to communicate our wishes and needs to those around us in a firm, clear, polite way means that at best, our needs are not met and at worst, we are misunderstood, ignored, side-lined or simply walked all over. I often ask people if they speak their truth, and point out that it is important to do so if they are to …
7 Spiritual Laws for Getting What You Want Out of Life
I vividly remember the feeling of overwhelming confusion when, many years ago, I was asked what appeared to be a seemingly straightforward question: “What do YOU want?" I was stunned into silence. I had never thought about this before. The person I was talking to was highly amused: _“Is it any wonder you feel stuck? You don’t get anywhere in life if you don’t know where you are going …
Living in the Land of Should
Do you live in the ‘land of should’? Do you find yourself doing what you should be doing and not what you want to be doing all the time? Are you the one always doing the ‘right thing’ by everyone else? So much so that you have lost touch with your innate sense of fun, creativity and spontaneity? Or, maybe on the odd occasion you have tried to do what you like, only to find yourself riddled with feelings of guilt …
Feel-Good Factor Tip: Start Collecting Compliments
Buy the best little notebook you can afford and, every time someone gives you a compliment, write it down. This will allow you to acknowledge and appreciate the qualities that others see in you that otherwise may have just passed you by. This is a proven technique for boosting self-esteem, and your notebook will soon become a permanent source of ‘feel good energy’ whenever you feel down …