Reconnect with Your Inner Child and Heal Your Life
Do you ever find yourself wondering why you keep repeating behaviours that aren’t good for you? Or why certain people and situations trigger you emotionally, to the point where you’re not in control of yourself? Or why you have trouble sticking to decisions and achieving the things you want in life? These issues show up a lot in my therapy room and there’s usually one thing that lies at the root of the problem: an unhealed inner child. So, what is the inner child and how does it come to be an issue? The inner child is the part of us that represents the child we used to be; the part that carries the imprint of all our childhood experiences, the good and the bad. If your inner child is healthy and well-nurtured, then you will tend to approach life …
How to Forgive the People Who Have Hurt You
Is there a person in your life you’re harbouring anger and resentment towards? Someone you can’t bring yourself to forgive for what they’ve done to you? When someone has abused us; attacked, cheated, betrayed, rejected, ridiculed or ignored us; treated us unfairly or taken advantage of us, the pain and trauma can run deep and be difficult to come back from. Why, you might ask, when they’ve hurt you should you seek to forgive? There is one good reason, and that is to put an end to your own suffering. Holding onto feelings of anger, bitterness, hatred or resentment towards another not only keeps you bound to that person, emotionally and energetically, it also causes ongoing …
How to Find Freedom from Fear and Live Your Purpose
It’s no secret that people who embody a sense of purpose live longer, happier and more fulfilled lives. Every day I meet people who long to realise this aspiration. People who feel a strong impulse to align their work in the world to who they really are, to live their lives authentically, and to be of service to others. Since you’re reading this, I’m guessing you feel this way too. Deep down, you yearn to follow your heart; to reach for the vision that emanates from the highest aspects of your being. Except that … one thing keeps stopping you in your tracks. FEAR …
Are You a Silent Prisoner of Shame?
If I were to name one thing that has the most impact on a person’s happiness and experience of life, it would be their self-worth. Our level of self-worth affects everything – from our health and relationships to our careers and financial abundance. So, let me ask, where do you stand on the spectrum of self-worth? Do you feel good about yourself? Do you love and accept yourself, warts and all? Or are you ‘self-rejecting’, always finding reasons to feel bad about yourself? If it’s the latter, I invite you to read on …
Is Unresolved Sadness Keeping You Stuck
How comfortable are you dealing with feelings of sadness? Do you allow yourself to be present with them, or do you do everything in your power to run away from them and pretend they’re not there, busying yourself with distractions? In my experience, many people do the latter. There appears to be a collective discomfort around owning our sadness, facing it, and allowing it full expression. Perhaps more than any other emotion, it’s one that people tend to deny. This denial is often a form of self-protection …
How to Find the Limiting Beliefs You Are Holding
It is said that we are what we believe ourselves to be. Our beliefs are so powerful that they create our reality. They shape our thinking, our feelings, our behaviour, the actions we take or do not take – and as a consequence our experience of life. Holding positive beliefs about ourselves serves us well. They cause us to feel good; they empower us and fuel healthy behaviours. Limiting beliefs, on the other hand, undermine our well-being. They fuel unhealthy emotions and …
How to Get over Rejection
I witness a lot of heartache in my therapy work. One of the biggest causes is rejection. The circumstances may be different: for one person it’s being told by their spouse of twenty-five years that he or she wants a divorce, for another it’s not being asked out on a second date; for someone else it’s not getting the job they wanted after an interview, or being slighted by a close friend; rejection comes in many forms. But the feelings that arise from it are always the same: pain, anger, disappointment, self-doubt, sadness and despair. I’m pretty sure you can relate to these feelings …
How to Not Take Things so Personally
You may recall that last month I began a series of newsletters focusing on the personal habits of happy people. Happy people tend to think and behave in ways that allow them to feel peaceful and content, no matter what’s going on around them. With a little effort, we can all learn to do this. The first of these habits, which I wrote about last time, was letting go of grudges. This month I’m going to focus on happiness habit two: how to not take things too personally. I think you’ll agree that many people struggle with this one. Someone says or does something, and before you know it your mood has plummeted and you’re upset or angry …
How to Let Go of a Grudge
Do you know that you can learn to be happy? And that ultimately happiness is a choice that you make? Sure, there are circumstances in life that can strip you of your contentment, joy and wellbeing, but most of the time the only person stopping you being happy right now is you. It’s amazing how many people spend a large proportion, if not all, of their lives waiting to be happy, as if it’s some elusive thing far off in the distant future that’s dependent on health, wealth, status and perfect relationships. But happiness doesn’t come from these things. It comes from within …
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Do you constantly compare yourself to other people? Do you often find yourself thinking that other people have more than you or are better than you? The comparison game is as old as humanity itself. I guess we all want to know how we measure up to other people. This drive is a part of our innate desire to understand ourselves, and our place in society. In recent times, however, social comparison has risen to a whole new level thanks to social media. It’s almost become an epidemic. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And he was right …
How to Handle Overwhelm
Overwhelm. I bet you’ve been there; the times when you’ve almost been immobilised by having too much to do and too little time to do it in. I know I have. Very many times in fact, especially when I was younger. Life is a constant juggling act, and every now and again we are all faced with the fear that we have more on our plates than we can handle. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing worse than that sickening feeling that arises when you think the intensity of your thoughts and emotions is about to get the better of you …
How to Handle Difficult People
Christmas is meant to be a time of joy, peace and merriment. I think there’s a part of all of us that buys into that fairytale image of an open log fire, a beautifully decked out tree, piles of presents, cards, food, drink and a smiling, loving family. Yes, that’s right … I said ‘family’. For some people that word is enough to pop the fantasy bubble right away! Most of us get to spend time with family at Christmas. But, for some, that reality is about as far away from joy, peace and merriment as you can get. In fact, it’s often the cause of great anxiety and dread. A couple of people have articulated this sentiment in my …
Dealing with Shame: How to Weaken Its Destructive Hold over You
Have you ever felt shame? I’m sure you have at some point in your life. All of us have. Shame is that awful feeling of being worthless, rejected or cast out. Deeply painful, it brings humiliation and distress in its wake. Its close cousin is guilt. Guilt shows up when you believe you have done something bad; shame shows up when you believe you are bad, so much so, that you are totally unlovable. Shame’s toxicity does not end there though. It also carries with it a sense of helplessness, that there is nothing you can do to purge yourself of its burdensome and soul-crushing presence …
Alleviate Suffering by Changing Your Perspective
I don’t know what’s been going on with the planet’s energy patterns recently, but these last few months have been tough. Have you found that too? I certainly have. I’ve seen difficult issues surface in my own life, my family’s lives and in my clients’ lives. Everyone seems to be sicker, more fearful, and more distressed than usual. At the end of March I was told I was burnt out, so I took heed and had a complete break from everything: this did me immense good. I now feel like I’m getting back to my usual positive and energetic self. The time out not only allowed me to regenerate and rejuvenate …
How to Recognise and Deal with Your Anxiety Type
I was rather taken aback recently when I saw that in October this year 22,573 searches were carried out on the Counselling Directory using the keyword ‘anxiety’? I don’t know why that surprised me. We all know that one in four of us will experience some sort of mental health problem each year, and anxiety is certainly the most prevalent issue that brings people to my counselling and coaching practice. If you’ve read some of my earlier blogs, you’ll know that generalised anxiety and panic disorder plagued …
How to Transform Your Emotional State through the Power of Reframing
Can you recall the last time you felt bad about something in your life? Do you remember how you felt - and why you felt that way? What would you say if I told you that you could have used a simple technique to instantly transform your emotions and feel better? And that it’s something you can easily learn to do. One of the greatest shifts I made on my own personal development journey was to realise that everything I experienced in life was actually happening entirely in my own mind and body …
The Healing Power of Writing
When was the last time you had some kind of emotional meltdown? Perhaps you lost your cool with someone … or suffered a debilitating wave of anxiety … were plagued by intense, painful feelings of guilt … or felt overwhelmed by grief and sadness. We’ve all experienced moments when our emotions have got the better of us - moments that have left us feeling vulnerable, confused and lost. Do you know that there’s something you can do in those very moments to help yourself? Something that …
Is It a Crisis or an Awakening?
It is truly amazing how within a split second everything in a person’s life can dramatically change . I experienced such a moment a few weeks ago. It was a very normal Monday. I was having a good day. I remember feeling well, happy and calm. The sun was shining. All my client appointments for the week were fully booked. Life was good. That was until l received a text from my son telling me that my husband had had a heart attack. He had been resuscitated a number of times. And, I urgently …
How to Resolve Inner Conflict and Find Peace
One of the key things I look out for in my work with clients is inner conflict. It is fascinating how much warfare goes on inside a person. It is also disturbing because this sort of tension, left unchecked, inevitably creates emotional turmoil and dis-ease. Can you relate to this scenario? You are lying in bed, warm and cozy when the alarm goes off. You want to stay exactly where you are but a voice in your head starts nagging you to get up. You resist it for a short while but it continues to get louder and louder …
What Should We Tell Our Sons?
If there is one message that any young man who would like to feel happy, healthy and content needs to internalise, it is to let go of other people’s expectations. As parents it is often our expectations of our sons that have the potential to cause them the most harm. Young men are bombarded with “You should…” messages from an early age. These messages are always well-intentioned, and can include expectations on their behaviour, friendships, academic achievement, relationships, career choices and social activities …