How to Find Freedom from Fear and Live Your Purpose
It’s no secret that people who embody a sense of purpose live longer, happier and more fulfilled lives. Every day I meet people who long to realise this aspiration. People who feel a strong impulse to align their work in the world to who they really are, to live their lives authentically, and to be of service to others. Since you’re reading this, I’m guessing you feel this way too. Deep down, you yearn to follow your heart; to reach for the vision that emanates from the highest aspects of your being. Except that … one thing keeps stopping you in your tracks. FEAR …
Find a Creative Pursuit for a Happier, More Balanced Life
The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says that “when we are involved in creativity, we feel that we are living more fully than during the rest of life.” I can certainly vouch for that. The times when I feel the most alive, energised, ‘in the flow’ and relaxed are usually when I’m doing something creative. I love to knit, crochet and sew, and one of my favourite pastimes is making knitted toys and little rag dolls to give away as gifts. These activities really help me to …
Is It Time to Reclaim Your Life?
It’s the start of a new year – and a new decade. A time when many of us feel an inner nudge to make changes. It’s certainly a good time to reflect and consider the direction our lives are taking. I believe one of the most important questions to ask ourselves is this: Whose life am I actually living? My own or the one other people want for me? Are you living the life you want, or are you still caught up in trying to meet other people’s expectations? As a therapist, I see …
Natural Ways to Lift Your Mood
Let me ask, do you feel helpless when you’re going through a tough time and feeling down? As if there’s nothing you can do to get yourself out of that state? We’d all like to feel good all of the time, but, inevitably, we go through periods when we feel demotivated and irritable, or worse unhappy and upset. I can recall a time in my younger life when I struggled to manage my emotional state. Feelings of tension and unease were my constant companions …
How to Recognise the Toxic People in Your Life
You probably know as well as I do that the quality of our relationships directly affects the quality of our lives. Healthy relationships are good for us. They have a positive effect on our mental and physical health, enhance our lives, help us grow into better versions of ourselves, and even cause us to live longer. Unhealthy relationships are not good for us. They have an adverse effect on our mental and physical health; they diminish the quality of our lives, cause us pain and hurt, and degrade us. People who value their inner peace and happiness always keep their relationships under regular review …
How to Not Take Things so Personally
You may recall that last month I began a series of newsletters focusing on the personal habits of happy people. Happy people tend to think and behave in ways that allow them to feel peaceful and content, no matter what’s going on around them. With a little effort, we can all learn to do this. The first of these habits, which I wrote about last time, was letting go of grudges. This month I’m going to focus on happiness habit two: how to not take things too personally. I think you’ll agree that many people struggle with this one. Someone says or does something, and before you know it your mood has plummeted and you’re upset or angry …
How to Let Go of a Grudge
Do you know that you can learn to be happy? And that ultimately happiness is a choice that you make? Sure, there are circumstances in life that can strip you of your contentment, joy and wellbeing, but most of the time the only person stopping you being happy right now is you. It’s amazing how many people spend a large proportion, if not all, of their lives waiting to be happy, as if it’s some elusive thing far off in the distant future that’s dependent on health, wealth, status and perfect relationships. But happiness doesn’t come from these things. It comes from within …
How to Cultivate Greater Self-Worth
Humour me for a moment and imagine that you have the power to clone yourself so that there are now two identical versions of you out there in the world. Now, let me ask you a question. If you were to meet this other ‘you’ would you be good friends? Would you like ‘you’? I often ask my clients this question and their response gives me an insight into how they see themselves. Their answer tells me a lot about their sense of self-worth and their self-esteem in that moment. Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person”. Self-esteem is defined as …
How to Tame Your Inner Critic
Would it surprise you to learn that your worst enemy is probably living inside your own head? I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that judges and demeans a person. We all have an internal voice that talks to us about ourselves. For many people, this internal voice is quite negative. If left untamed, it can turn into a constant negative internal commentary on who they are and how they behave - one that can drag them down mentally and emotionally. Perhaps you can relate to some of these common inner critic statements …
The Gentle Art of Saying ‘No’
Emotional overwhelm is something that brings many people to my practice. For them life has simply got out of control. There are too many people making too many demands … too much to do in too little time … too many expectations and not enough energy to deal with them all. The result is anxiety which, if left unchecked, leads to mental, emotional and physical breakdown. We all experience overwhelming feelings. I’m guessing you know what that’s like. I certainly do. In fact, I used to get overwhelmed a lot. Nowadays, though, it’s less the feeling of overwhelm that I deal with than the …
How Much Power Do You Think You Have Over Your Life?
The concept of personal power is one that I deal with a lot in my work. Put simply, this is the degree of influence a person feels they have over their experience and circumstances in life. One of the key goals of therapy is to move a person from a place of disempowerment to a place of empowerment. A disempowered person believes they have no control or power over their circumstances and experience of life. An empowered person believes that they do. When I begin working with a new client one of the first things I do is ….
Is It a Crisis or an Awakening?
It is truly amazing how within a split second everything in a person’s life can dramatically change . I experienced such a moment a few weeks ago. It was a very normal Monday. I was having a good day. I remember feeling well, happy and calm. The sun was shining. All my client appointments for the week were fully booked. Life was good. That was until l received a text from my son telling me that my husband had had a heart attack. He had been resuscitated a number of times. And, I urgently …
What Should We Tell Our Sons?
If there is one message that any young man who would like to feel happy, healthy and content needs to internalise, it is to let go of other people’s expectations. As parents it is often our expectations of our sons that have the potential to cause them the most harm. Young men are bombarded with “You should…” messages from an early age. These messages are always well-intentioned, and can include expectations on their behaviour, friendships, academic achievement, relationships, career choices and social activities …
The 7 Myths about Counselling
Take a moment and cast your mind back over your life. Would you say that your life has been completely trouble free? Do you know anyone who has lived a totally problem-free life? A person who has never faced a difficulty, a challenge, a distressing experience or a significant life change such as bereavement, divorce, redundancy or illness? I certainly haven’t lived such a life, or know of anyone who has. The business of living can be tough at times. We all experience family …
Are You Tired of Dealing With That Irritating Person in Your Life?
Is there someone in your life that really gets on your nerves? You know, that person who you wish would stop being such a pain all the time. It could be your friend…your boss…your spouse…your parent…your child…your colleague. We all have these people in our lives. And, sadly, they have the potential to cause us a lot of misery and heartache. So what is your story? Do you endless wish for your spouse to be more attentive Your parent to be more accepting? Your child to be more motivated? Your boss to be more appreciative? Your friend to be more considerate? …
Are You Neglecting the Most Important Person in Your Life?
As human beings we are continually in relationship, all day and every day, for the whole of our lives. Sometimes it is with other living beings: humans and animals. Sometimes it’s with inanimate objects - food, clothes, money - or ideas. There is one relationship, above all others, that is critical to our wellbeing. It is impossible to live a peaceful, healthy, happy life if this relationship is not monitored and managed adequately. The relationship to which I’m referring is the one we have with ourselves. Let me ask you a question. How do you habitually relate to yourself? …
Is Failing to Speak Up at the Root of Your Ailments?
Do you experience any of the following physical symptoms: a frequent sore throat; tightness in your jaw or a tendency to grind your teeth; thyroid problems; frequent ear infections; persistent stiffness in your neck and/or shoulders; a stammer? Or perhaps you’ve noticed that one or a few of the following apply to you: you have a weak and quiet voice; you struggle to speak up and express yourself; you constantly fear and doubt the intentions of others …
The Habits of Happy People: They See Life's Problems as Opportunities
They know that they can’t choose to avoid life’s challenges but they can choose their response to them. They make a decision to respond in a calm, measured, positive way. They work out what they can do and get on and do it. Then they shift their focus onto what they can learn from the experience. They know that all difficult and challenging situations are powerful catalysts for personal growth …
The Day I Met a Goblin and Finally Healed My Fear
Have you ever experienced an intense emotion that has left you feeling frightened, confused and deeply disturbed? I certainly have. In fact, there was a time in my life when it was a regular occurrence. When I tell people now that I spent most of my late teens and twenties in a perpetual state of fear, due to chronic anxiety and panic disorder, I am often met with surprise; disbelief even …
The Habits of Happy People: They Are Socially Selective
They ensure that their tribe is a positive and empowering one. They know that the people they hang around with affect their mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health so they choose them carefully. They use their feelings to identify the negative, manipulative, toxic people and simply cut them out of their life. And, if they can’t, they put up strong boundaries. They know that this is an issue of …