Reconnect with Your Inner Child and Heal Your Life
Do you ever find yourself wondering why you keep repeating behaviours that aren’t good for you? Or why certain people and situations trigger you emotionally, to the point where you’re not in control of yourself? Or why you have trouble sticking to decisions and achieving the things you want in life? These issues show up a lot in my therapy room and there’s usually one thing that lies at the root of the problem: an unhealed inner child. So, what is the inner child and how does it come to be an issue? The inner child is the part of us that represents the child we used to be; the part that carries the imprint of all our childhood experiences, the good and the bad. If your inner child is healthy and well-nurtured, then you will tend to approach life …
How to Find Freedom from Fear and Live Your Purpose
It’s no secret that people who embody a sense of purpose live longer, happier and more fulfilled lives. Every day I meet people who long to realise this aspiration. People who feel a strong impulse to align their work in the world to who they really are, to live their lives authentically, and to be of service to others. Since you’re reading this, I’m guessing you feel this way too. Deep down, you yearn to follow your heart; to reach for the vision that emanates from the highest aspects of your being. Except that … one thing keeps stopping you in your tracks. FEAR …
Are You Struggling to Find Your Purpose in Life?
2020 was an extraordinary year. Not only did we witness a massive upheaval on the physical plane, affecting everything from our livelihoods to family life, we also saw a huge spiritual awakening occur right across the globe. For many it was a crisis or unforeseen change in circumstances, for others simply the gift of more time that compelled them to go inwards; to connect with the deeper parts of their being and reflect deeply on their lives. Why am I here? What fulfils me? What’s my purpose? These questions inevitably surfaced at some point. Perhaps you can relate to this too …
How to Stop Caring about What Other People Think of You
How concerned are you about what people think of you? Does it bother you occasionally or a lot of the time? We are all influenced by other people’s opinions to some degree, sometimes without realising it. We might wear an outfit to a social event because we think other people will like it, for example, or refrain from expressing an opinion at work to avoid being thought unintelligent. This is a consequence of our social conditioning and our need to belong – to be accepted and liked …
Is It Time to Reclaim Your Life?
It’s the start of a new year – and a new decade. A time when many of us feel an inner nudge to make changes. It’s certainly a good time to reflect and consider the direction our lives are taking. I believe one of the most important questions to ask ourselves is this: Whose life am I actually living? My own or the one other people want for me? Are you living the life you want, or are you still caught up in trying to meet other people’s expectations? As a therapist, I see …
Are You a People-Pleaser?
I found myself dealing with a very forceful woman the other day who just wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t give her an appointment because I was fully booked up. She refused to hear what I was saying and continued to push at my personal boundaries for several minutes. Feeling the pressure building up inside me, I had to fight with every fibre of my being to not fall back into an old pattern of mine: being a people-pleaser. There was a time in my life when …
How to Not Take Things so Personally
You may recall that last month I began a series of newsletters focusing on the personal habits of happy people. Happy people tend to think and behave in ways that allow them to feel peaceful and content, no matter what’s going on around them. With a little effort, we can all learn to do this. The first of these habits, which I wrote about last time, was letting go of grudges. This month I’m going to focus on happiness habit two: how to not take things too personally. I think you’ll agree that many people struggle with this one. Someone says or does something, and before you know it your mood has plummeted and you’re upset or angry …
How to Let Go of a Grudge
Do you know that you can learn to be happy? And that ultimately happiness is a choice that you make? Sure, there are circumstances in life that can strip you of your contentment, joy and wellbeing, but most of the time the only person stopping you being happy right now is you. It’s amazing how many people spend a large proportion, if not all, of their lives waiting to be happy, as if it’s some elusive thing far off in the distant future that’s dependent on health, wealth, status and perfect relationships. But happiness doesn’t come from these things. It comes from within …
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Do you constantly compare yourself to other people? Do you often find yourself thinking that other people have more than you or are better than you? The comparison game is as old as humanity itself. I guess we all want to know how we measure up to other people. This drive is a part of our innate desire to understand ourselves, and our place in society. In recent times, however, social comparison has risen to a whole new level thanks to social media. It’s almost become an epidemic. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And he was right …
How to Handle Overwhelm
Overwhelm. I bet you’ve been there; the times when you’ve almost been immobilised by having too much to do and too little time to do it in. I know I have. Very many times in fact, especially when I was younger. Life is a constant juggling act, and every now and again we are all faced with the fear that we have more on our plates than we can handle. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing worse than that sickening feeling that arises when you think the intensity of your thoughts and emotions is about to get the better of you …
How to Handle Difficult People
Christmas is meant to be a time of joy, peace and merriment. I think there’s a part of all of us that buys into that fairytale image of an open log fire, a beautifully decked out tree, piles of presents, cards, food, drink and a smiling, loving family. Yes, that’s right … I said ‘family’. For some people that word is enough to pop the fantasy bubble right away! Most of us get to spend time with family at Christmas. But, for some, that reality is about as far away from joy, peace and merriment as you can get. In fact, it’s often the cause of great anxiety and dread. A couple of people have articulated this sentiment in my …
How to Tame Your Inner Critic
Would it surprise you to learn that your worst enemy is probably living inside your own head? I’m sure you’ve heard of the term ‘inner critic’. In therapy this concept refers to a subpersonality that judges and demeans a person. We all have an internal voice that talks to us about ourselves. For many people, this internal voice is quite negative. If left untamed, it can turn into a constant negative internal commentary on who they are and how they behave - one that can drag them down mentally and emotionally. Perhaps you can relate to some of these common inner critic statements …
How to Transform Your Emotional State through the Power of Reframing
Can you recall the last time you felt bad about something in your life? Do you remember how you felt - and why you felt that way? What would you say if I told you that you could have used a simple technique to instantly transform your emotions and feel better? And that it’s something you can easily learn to do. One of the greatest shifts I made on my own personal development journey was to realise that everything I experienced in life was actually happening entirely in my own mind and body …
The Healing Power of Writing
When was the last time you had some kind of emotional meltdown? Perhaps you lost your cool with someone … or suffered a debilitating wave of anxiety … were plagued by intense, painful feelings of guilt … or felt overwhelmed by grief and sadness. We’ve all experienced moments when our emotions have got the better of us - moments that have left us feeling vulnerable, confused and lost. Do you know that there’s something you can do in those very moments to help yourself? Something that …
Is It a Crisis or an Awakening?
It is truly amazing how within a split second everything in a person’s life can dramatically change . I experienced such a moment a few weeks ago. It was a very normal Monday. I was having a good day. I remember feeling well, happy and calm. The sun was shining. All my client appointments for the week were fully booked. Life was good. That was until l received a text from my son telling me that my husband had had a heart attack. He had been resuscitated a number of times. And, I urgently …
How Our Parents Affect Our Adult Relationships
Would you say that your current relationships are generally warm, nurturing and harmonious? Do you believe that the world is a safe and secure place: a place in which you can lean on people, take emotional risks, and trust that people will be there for you in your time of need? Do you believe that people are generally on your side, and will support you in the way that you need them to, when you need them to? You may be surprised to hear that your parents have influenced your answers to these questions …
How to Resolve Inner Conflict and Find Peace
One of the key things I look out for in my work with clients is inner conflict. It is fascinating how much warfare goes on inside a person. It is also disturbing because this sort of tension, left unchecked, inevitably creates emotional turmoil and dis-ease. Can you relate to this scenario? You are lying in bed, warm and cozy when the alarm goes off. You want to stay exactly where you are but a voice in your head starts nagging you to get up. You resist it for a short while but it continues to get louder and louder …
What Should We Tell Our Sons?
If there is one message that any young man who would like to feel happy, healthy and content needs to internalise, it is to let go of other people’s expectations. As parents it is often our expectations of our sons that have the potential to cause them the most harm. Young men are bombarded with “You should…” messages from an early age. These messages are always well-intentioned, and can include expectations on their behaviour, friendships, academic achievement, relationships, career choices and social activities …