What Should We Tell Our Sons?
If there is one message that any young man who would like to feel happy, healthy and content needs to internalise, it is to let go of other people’s expectations. As parents it is often our expectations of our sons that have the potential to cause them the most harm. Young men are bombarded with “You should…” messages from an early age. These messages are always well-intentioned, and can include expectations on their behaviour, friendships, academic achievement, relationships, career choices and social activities …
The 7 Myths about Counselling
Take a moment and cast your mind back over your life. Would you say that your life has been completely trouble free? Do you know anyone who has lived a totally problem-free life? A person who has never faced a difficulty, a challenge, a distressing experience or a significant life change such as bereavement, divorce, redundancy or illness? I certainly haven’t lived such a life, or know of anyone who has. The business of living can be tough at times. We all experience family …
Are You Tired of Dealing With That Irritating Person in Your Life?
Is there someone in your life that really gets on your nerves? You know, that person who you wish would stop being such a pain all the time. It could be your friend…your boss…your spouse…your parent…your child…your colleague. We all have these people in our lives. And, sadly, they have the potential to cause us a lot of misery and heartache. So what is your story? Do you endless wish for your spouse to be more attentive Your parent to be more accepting? Your child to be more motivated? Your boss to be more appreciative? Your friend to be more considerate? …
Are You Neglecting the Most Important Person in Your Life?
As human beings we are continually in relationship, all day and every day, for the whole of our lives. Sometimes it is with other living beings: humans and animals. Sometimes it’s with inanimate objects - food, clothes, money - or ideas. There is one relationship, above all others, that is critical to our wellbeing. It is impossible to live a peaceful, healthy, happy life if this relationship is not monitored and managed adequately. The relationship to which I’m referring is the one we have with ourselves. Let me ask you a question. How do you habitually relate to yourself? …
How Avoiding Your Emotions May Be Harming You
If I could go back thirty years and give my younger self some advice it would be to “stop avoiding your emotions.” Back in those days, I expended a lot of energy suppressing my feelings. I tried hard to fit in, do the right thing, and avoid drama of any kind. I had emotional regulation down to a fine art. The world saw me as calm, quiet and amiable, while deep inside there was turmoil and emotional chaos. It took me a long time to figure out that …
Is Failing to Speak Up at the Root of Your Ailments?
Do you experience any of the following physical symptoms: a frequent sore throat; tightness in your jaw or a tendency to grind your teeth; thyroid problems; frequent ear infections; persistent stiffness in your neck and/or shoulders; a stammer? Or perhaps you’ve noticed that one or a few of the following apply to you: you have a weak and quiet voice; you struggle to speak up and express yourself; you constantly fear and doubt the intentions of others …
The Habits of Happy People: They See Life's Problems as Opportunities
They know that they can’t choose to avoid life’s challenges but they can choose their response to them. They make a decision to respond in a calm, measured, positive way. They work out what they can do and get on and do it. Then they shift their focus onto what they can learn from the experience. They know that all difficult and challenging situations are powerful catalysts for personal growth …
The Day I Met a Goblin and Finally Healed My Fear
Have you ever experienced an intense emotion that has left you feeling frightened, confused and deeply disturbed? I certainly have. In fact, there was a time in my life when it was a regular occurrence. When I tell people now that I spent most of my late teens and twenties in a perpetual state of fear, due to chronic anxiety and panic disorder, I am often met with surprise; disbelief even …
The Habits of Happy People: They Are Socially Selective
They ensure that their tribe is a positive and empowering one. They know that the people they hang around with affect their mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health so they choose them carefully. They use their feelings to identify the negative, manipulative, toxic people and simply cut them out of their life. And, if they can’t, they put up strong boundaries. They know that this is an issue of …
Are You Being Bullied Without Even Knowing?
I would like to think that, if I were being bullied, I would recognise it and do something about the situation. Wouldn’t you? Bullying is when one person uses their superior strength or influence to intimidate another person, typically to force them to do something. I’ve been asked to write about this issue by a client who, through our work together, has discovered that the controlling behaviour and shrewdness …
Habits of Happy People: They Don't Compare Themselves With Others
They know that there is little, if anything, to be gained from this habit. They know that this tendency damages their sense of self, kills joy and breeds feelings of envy, low self-confidence and depression. They know that people present an edited version of themselves to the world so what they are comparing against is not real. They know that there is always someone out there who is bigger, better, and more …
The One Habit that Could Keep You Out of Therapy
It takes a lot for a person to seek support and, even more, to pay for it. We all do a great job of handling the issues in our lives by ourselves. Until, that is, it all gets too much and we reach crisis point; something happens that shakes us to the core and we discover that we simply can’t deal with it anymore. I see this all the time in my practice. It is the life crises that bring people to the services that I offer …
Habits of Happy People: They Live in the Present Moment
They don’t spend time reviewing, analysing or regretting the past. They don’t spend time worrying, stressing and being fearful about the future. They know that no-one has ever lived in a yesterday or a tomorrow. We all only ever experience life in the now. And, that is where they focus all their attention; fully and wholeheartedly experiencing life in the present moment …
7 Things You Should Never Do or Say to a Bereaved Person
I recently met up with a friend who had just lost someone very close to her. It was evident that she was devastated by this death. Her pain was palpable: in her eyes, her voice, and her body language. Not only was she dealing with the immense pain of losing someone she loved dearly, under very traumatic circumstances, but she also now had to contend with the gaping hole it had left in her life …
Is Your Morning Routine Making or Breaking Your Day?
Let me take you back to this morning and ask how you began your day. Did you have a calm, quiet and orderly start? Or, was it rushed, manic and frenzied? How we choose to spend the first minutes and hours of the day has a significant effect on all those that follow. What we do - and how we feel - sets the tone for the entire day. That has certainly been my experience. On an ideal day, I get out of bed at …
Habits of Happy People: They Don't Hold Grudges
They know that holding intense negative feelings about anyone harms them more than it harms the other person. Scientific studies show that holding a grudge adversely affects the health. It leads to anxiety, depression, an increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure. Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for happiness, health and peace …
Feel-Good Factor: Dance!
Did you know that dancing is one of the most fun and effective ways to get a complete mind and body workout? Studies show that dancing can instantly lift your mood, help reduce stress, increase energy levels, improve flexibility, increase muscle tone and strength, increase bone density, reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and aid weight loss. It also boosts self-confidence and self esteem …
How Evolved Is Your Ego?
I have never made any secret of my interest in spiritual matters. Over the years I have explored a wide range of theories, perspectives, scriptures and therapies, all of which have added immense value to my personal and professional development. I have also engaged with a variety of spiritual communities and met some truly inspiring people. There is however one issue that continually perplexes me …
Feel-Good Factor Tip: Soak in a Warm Bath
Research reveals that relaxing in a warm bath of bubbles instantly calms the mind, soothes the body and promotes deep, restful sleep. Adding 2 cups of Epsom salts and a few drops of lavender essential oil further enhances the wellbeing benefits. Magnesium, found in Epsom salts, is naturally absorbed through the skin. This mineral aids the production of serotonin, the hormone responsible for …
Dealing with Difficult Emotions
We all experience times in life when our emotions get the better of us. A strong, emotional response to any situation can easily leave us feeling overwhelmed, out of control and even frightened. Intense feelings of anger, anxiety, despair, shame, guilt and even disappointment can appear instantly and unexpectedly, and negatively affect our attitude and behaviour in ways that can cause us, and those around us, distress …